Malice in Wonderland

Ok, my first day back....what to say......

Shannon and I arrived about 45 min early at the park to get our ID done. Jessie and Travis were sheduleled to come in later that day.  Last year our photos had Shan looking like a drunken floozy, and me like I wanted to murder someone. This year, well....Shan looks like Amy Lee, and I look like a mannish pedophile. Ouch.

We went to this years office, which is located in the belt booth, (last years location has since been torn down and replaced with a 50's themed diner) Boss and #2 were waiting, as well as some familiar faces. Finally most of the staff had arrived, and we had gotten our uniforms, so off we went to collect the money bags. What? You think we pull that change out of our butts? While we were waiting in the cash office, the disscussion turned to the potential gender of Boss' baby. Boss declared that she was going to hold a betting pool. Shannon asked who would get the money if the baby was a hermaphrodite, to which i muttered "God I hope not, that would be like a coin landing on its edge!!". Boss started laughing, and told me (not for the first time) how funny I was. I've noticed, if I make a joke, Boss will either not get it, or glare at me. When I'm being dead serious, shes all "Tee hee, youre funny!" OH LAWD, IZ DAT SUM FUNNIES? So anyhoo, we get assigned to our various stations throughout the Park. Shannon is sent to H.SKY (all our locations are named for thatever attraction they're closest to) while I'm sent to H.MINE. Guess what kiddies? Sooty done got herself lost...again. The first time was last year, when I was assigned to H.SKY during my first week. At the time I was unfamiliar with the layout of the Park,  what with it being horrendiously expensive, and me too poor to afford to visit enough to be familiar with it. To be frank (or Tom, or Steve for that matter) I ended up in the water park portion of the Park. The fuckin' water park. Even Boss admitted you have to have a horrid sense of direction to manage that one. Anyway, long story short, I had a slightly difficult time locating my post. I'm sure now it was because H.MINE  used to be across from the old office location, but that has since been replaced with the diner. Needless to say, I was a touch disoriented. Finally I get to H.MINE, set up, annndddd...oh look, the cash register isn't working. None of them are, in fact. Lovely. 

Now, Boss is a pretty good boss, but she wants us to 'advertise'. 'Advertising' is where we go and stand outside of the booth with a sign (or one of the design books for now, since the signs apperently havent been printed yet) and try to convine people to get a tattoo. Now I dont know about you, but if I was being pestered to buy somthing (or do somthing for that matter, which explains my messy room) I'm less likely to do it. So as I figure it, Boss is losing customers by making us advertise. BOSS!! WE ARE SCARING OF CUSTOMERS!!! LET THEM COME ON THIER OWN!!! IF THEY WERNT PLANNING ON GETTING A HENNA TATTOO IN THE FIRST PLACE, I'M ALMOST POSITIVE SOME TEENAGER IN A DORKY UNIFORM ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE THIER MIND!! Not only is it embarassing for them, but its humiliating for us! Standing there like idiots yelling stuff like "HEY,DO YOU GUYS WANT A HENNA TATOO?" or "HENNA TATTOOOOOOOSSSSS!!! STARTING AT ONLY TWO DOOOLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"  After a good three hours of this, I had started thinking stuff between yells. A few choice phrases were <shouted advertisement> "Oh  trust me, my voice is irritating me too" <shouted advertisement>"I'm about ready to kill someone" <shouted advertisement> "scratch that, someone please kill me" <shouted advertisement> "just shoot me" <shouted advertisement> "or stab me in the face or someting". Like that. 
I nearly shat myself working across from the diner: they were playing a song called "Feelin' Groovy" by Simon and Garfunkel. Now keep in mind, I had never heard this song before at the time. I didnt even know that was the original song. What I had heard was the Bob rivers Parody of it, "Feelin' Boobies"

So it wasnt exactly the version I'm used to (I'm used to the boobie version) But it still made my day.
Note to self: find way to hack into Park Soundsystem.......

At  around 2:00 the trainees arrived, and each of us got one to train. I was partnered with a girl called W. we got along quite well......I would say it was a 'Jay and silent Bob" relationship, only with less weed.

3:00 rolls around, and it was all breakys for Sooties!! (in case you didn't know, Sooty Fingers refers to the fact that since we tend to handle the black henna with our bare hands, our fingers are eventially stained black. Not so bad during the weekend only shifts like I have now, because it washes off in one or two days......but in the summer, the almost constant contact tends to overlap and layer the dye, so it dosn't really fade until September. Use gloves you say? Well sure, but they only give us one pair of latex gloves, and those feel really gross after a couple of hours of wear. So most of us just choose to use our bare hands. After I got back fom my break, We discovered Jessie wandering around the Park. When asked, he complained that he had only gotten a 3 hour shift. ONLY!? If I wasn't so needy for money, I'd be absolutly thrilled with a 3 hour shift! That leaves the rest of the day for rides and stuff. Ah well, another day, another dollar, heh?

Ok, so I've decided to start this journal, to bitch, rant, and rave about my job at a certain Canadian theme park. I figure it'll be therapeutic........mainly I just like to bitch about stuff. 

So, lets get down to buisness: I worked at this theme park (will now just refer to it as the Park.) last year, starting around the middle of the summer after being canned from my last job at New Orleans Pizza (go ahead, ask). I work as a henna tattoo artist. Not the greatest job, but it beats the hell out of flipping burgers. Now, I don't actually work for the Park itself, I work for (leaving company name out, incase Boss  happens to find this journal, so well just call it the Company) the Company, which as far as I know, is not a part of the Park, but holds a contract with it so that the Company may do its buisness within the park. Not so bad you may say, since we dont have to follow the Parks employee rules. WRONG. We have to follow the Park's rules as well as the Company's rules. And since the Park is under new ownwership this year, the rules are even more strict. Here they are as I remember them:


*No peircings (bad news for my little sis Shannon who also has the same job as me, she has her lip and nose peirced, and they only let her have a retaner for her lip, so putting the stud back in her nose is extremley painful at the end of each day. Another girl P. who works with us has a nose peircing as well, same deal for her.)
*No tattoos (at least not where they can be seen when wearing the uniform)
*No unaturally colored hair (Shan got away with this one lasy year by tucking her blue and green hair up under a hat. we dont get to do that this year)
*No multi colored hair (BUSTED, Shan had dark red on the bottom, and blond on the top this year, she had to dye it all black. My buddy Travis, whom I got the job, had since grown out his dyed red hair, with brown roots. he has a crewcut now.)
*For men: no long hair (not even to the collar, as my curly haired freind Jessie ((whom I had also got a job)) found out. once again, snip snip. The exeption is those heas indian boys with thier hair up in that white cloth bun. (I do not know that the bun or the religion is called, so any info would be appreciated))(Afros count as long hair apperently)
*For men: no facial hair (does this mean I'm allowed to grow a beard? Also, Trav had to shave off his sideburns) Unless it is a Religous gotee (we are still trying to figure out exctly what this implies) and this has to be accompanied by a note from the leader of your religious leader (WHAAAATT? This is just getting rediculous!)
*No Company employee can have an mp3 player, walkman, radio, or cellphone on them at anytime during work, these must be left in a lockbot in the Company site office. (Dammit, I use my cell to keep track of time, and my watches always break or get lost. P. has confided in me that she sneaks hers in stuffed in her bra. OH LAWD.)
*Company employees MUST wear the uniform provided, (which consists of a royal blue polo shirt with the Company logo on the front, and a pair of cheap synthetic fibre pant in a navy blue, with THE UGLIEST and most frusrtating belt attached to them. Y'know those buckles you find on fanny packs and life jackets? Yeah, it has one of THOSE buckles. the goddamn pants even have the bloody pockets sewn shut. From what I heard, Boss CUSTOM ORDERED them like that. What the hell!? The Park employees just have to wear a pair of thier own black pants, with pockets if they really wanted them) the Shirt MUST be tucked in, and this getup must be worn with black or other dark coloered shoes. No sandals.  If you're cold, you have the option of BUYING a Company sweatshirt (with logo) for $15. same with hats. 
*No bags. (if we bring 'em, we have to leave em in employee lockers a fair distance outside of the Park itself)
*No carrying more than $20 in cash on ones person during work. If an employee is caught carrying more than this amoung, the Park will assume that this money is Park property, and said cash will be confiscated. (NOW THEYRE ROBBING US!? ARRRGGGHHHH! Not that it matters, I cant have any money on me at all, on account of those lovely sewn up pockets.)

Thats all I can remember for now, as far as rules go. Now I will tell you about my coworkers and higher ups. Lets start with Boss. Boss is around 5'2, I'm guessing. I'm 5'4, and shes about two inches shorter than me. Now, mostly Boss is cheerful and easy to get along with. But No, not this year. You see, Boss is expecting her first child in the fall. and being pregnant is proven to mess with your temper. Yes, I'm talking about the mood swings. I can honestly say, few things frighten me more than a 5'2 pregnant woman in the middle of an apocolyptic rage. Its just that damn scary. 
Second in command is #2. She is nice and sane, and can often be found accompanying Boss.
now there are two higher ups that did not return this year. One is a woman whos name escapes me at the moment. She was generally disliked for being a bitch. Like I said, I dont really remember. The other is Dave. Y'know how you will have a manager named Dave, who will inevitably be a dick? Our Dave was no exeption. Oh, he was nice sometimes, but he was a dick.
my co-workers are as follows, (those whose names I can remember): 
Shan, my little sis, henna artist
Travis, a good freind of mine, henna artist
Jessie, another buddy, face painter
R., a little odd, but has some CRAZY awesome artist skills,has been here since before I started, airbrush artist
W., nice girl, new this year, henna artist
K., another veteran, she apparently thinks Jessie is a perv, face painter
P., I mentioned her earlier, newbie, but better with the customers than I am, henna artist
M., Very shy and quiet girl, face painter
G.,  new here, and he hails from another country, paints very nicely, henna artist
There are more, but like I said, I only listed those whose names I could remember

Another nice note: almost all my co-workers are anime geeks like myself. Fuckin' A
('scuse my awful spelling)